I think the best thing in life is that you simply have a chance. You always start from the point when you don't know what to do with your life and what to do with yourself, right? You try so many things to make your life great and comfortable for you and also others in some ways, depends on what's important to you - yourself only or yourself & people around you.
My circle of people I keep around is small and if you look at me and my relationships with people you'll see that mostly I've problems with fucking everybody. I tend to lose friends time by time, sometimes life decides to throw somebody back in my life and then again one of us fucks it up and mostly I decide that I should take time from them and it goes around and around and around and mostly with the same people all the time. I've always been thinking that problem is in others and sometimes it's really my fault, but overall it's another story that I will explain to you later.
You see, there is always something that somebody does wrong or stupid and I seriously can't take it so I just think ''fuck it, fuck you, I don't need you and you'll be fine without me too'' and big problem about me is that I really have strong principles about being honest, being your-true-self, avoiding lies and shit goes on. It's really important that people I keep my relationships with are going to be honest with me, but in the fast few months I've lost one of my best-guy-friends, one great guy we had in our company (from which I'm out now) and on having love-hate relationship with one amazing girl which I would like to call my friend, but our relationship does nothing great to me. Long story short: the best-guy-friend simply fucked it all up with feeling out of nowhere and lies, and that also is one of the reasons I'm concerned about my relationships with my girl-friend because both of them lied about one simple thing that wouldn't make me mad or anything, but as a friend I would like that people around me who says that they love me and couldn't imagine their lives without me - would be honest to me no matter what. And the other guy we have had friendship with for years and actually we've been through so much, mostly we got in fight because of my opinion who didn't come out of nowhere and he decided to make it worse even not knowing fact by fact how it all started and what exactly I've said but whatever, some of friendships has to end sooner or later and I simply felt that we don't have anything common anymore so it's all good. Like, you see how easy I let people leave because it's not the first time with those people and also I've been leaving many other relationships as well. Of course everything ends because of a reason. In both of those stories there was something I did wrong and also something they did wrong. BUT...
At the end of the day. I've understood that it's not my fault and also that problem is not in me. Not saying that problem is in others. I simply think that people who are still there with me and have been through this with me are the ones that simply needs to be around me right now in this moment in my life. Because we always take something from others. Friends who decide to make new brand and ask me to join. What could be cooler? Friends who travel around the world and also works abroad. They're such an inspiration to leave my house and say goodbye to life that you've always lived. To change something. Not everything, but something. Friends who achieve their goals and now are thinking about buying apartment in capital city, are you out of your mind? That's simply amazing how great we grow and how realistic our dreams become.
We all have a chance to be by ourselves and make our way as we want to. And also we have a chance to look what others have done to inspire ourselves. The key is - keep the right people around you. Keep around people who have the same interests as you do. Keep around yourself people that will be happy about you, your achievements, your ideas, your success, you happiness.
Kisses, E.
