MY SEASONAL DEPRESSION

Hi! I hope if you're reading this - you're fine. And if not, eventually you'll be.

I wanted to talk about something that have been with me for past few years. At least that's how it feels. I don't remember when it started and how it all started, from where it came and who I should blame besides myself.

1. The thing is that this point of my life is one of the best moments in my life. This is the peak as I'm 21 year old, almost graduated from college and coming closer to other achievements. I don't want to talk about all of the things I'm planning, but there are a lot of them for sure. This is the best moment, right here, right now and I'm really grateful for all I've. I'm still living with my parents which let me save some amount for school for which I pay by myself now. And basically all the money I own goes to school & my personal needs such as beauty and clothes, hair care, etc. 
2. This moment in my life is the best moment also because I've the best people around me. I've great communication between me and people I've known for past few years or people who have became my friends lately. I feel support. I know that someone somewhere will always be here for me. As well as my family. And even if there is someone who I've been calling my friend for decades decided to fuck over me in the worst way - no biggie, not the first time, not the last either. Doesn't make sense who betrays you, the only thing I'm letting in my life is loyalty and love. 
3. Overall, being 21 right now is the peak of my life right now - the best opportunities, new people, new offers, living in safe environment, being healthy, having great family. I appreciate everything I have. Also this point includes finding someone special in your life. In some ways. Not that I desperately need someone to wake up next to every morning, someone to fall asleep with, someone to hug & kiss. Someone with who to make future plans. Because 21 might be way to early right now, but at the same time it's not like life isn't giving me this opportunity. Life have introduced me to plenty amazing men. All of them are amazing example for great loving relationship, but only if you're longing for love or that warm feeling. I want that but also it's way too less for me. I want stability financially, calm life in our home and huge plans for future. I don't need relationship where men gives me love and happiness, but at the same time boldly drinks or use anything else of drugs, who loves to party all the time and who's irresponsible, unaccountable, and also doesn't have future plans. There have to be goals. And all of those points I just made are part of men I just mentioned. 

You see, life is good. Life gives me all the chances to make my life complete in some ways. In some ways more than other ways. It's good. Life is good. But back to the point this post was about - lack of passion is killing me. There ain't no passion for me to do anything. I had to graduate from college 5 months ago but I was too tired and emotionally devastated to make any assignments. There have been other things that I should be done by this time of my life and I simply haven't felt inspired enough. I'm all the time tired, angry or sad. Exhausted. And at the same time I look at my friends who get to their goals all the time, they're happy, successful, in a great relationship, in a great job, everything just seems to be way better than it is in my life. I'm not envy. I just don't understand how did I went here from being happy & successful to being tired & unsuccessful. And how comes that those people who works but also binge drinks and makes their life shit - looks so happy and thankful?
Every morning I wake up and first thing in my head is - do I belong here? Do I belong with people around me? Some of them are bad influence to me, some of them are way too good for me. And secondly, my other thought is that I'm happy for everything I have. Grateful. But still sad inside. Really, really sad time by time. Really hopeless time by time. Tired every morning. Not where I wanted to be at this moment in my life. My seasonal depression comes to say ''hi!'' to me time by time. As I'm getting older it's coming to say ''hi!'' way more often. To the point that I feel like it's part of me, integral part of me & myself. And I know that eventually I will get better. Like all of us. But living with this dark part under my skin feels empty.

If you've the same experience or something makes you feel in some ways like this makes me feel - feel free to comment below and share with your thoughts. If you feel alone - you're not. I'm here with you, with all of us who feel the same time by time. Have a great day whoever read this!

xx, Happiness Victim 

SPIRITUAL MOSAIC

Well, I don't even know what to say. I wish I had way more time to update blog because I've put so much effort in this blog for past years. Especially in design and right now it's one of the things I like the most about this site. Minimalistic, simple and easy to perceptible. I've to mention that I don't remember why the hell I did start. What did I though about? That someday I will become famous because of this? That there will be thousands of people who will read my blog daily and be my friends? Probably I thought about that as well. But overall I started blogging because I felt alone. I felt like outsider. I had nobody to talk about things I liked, for example:''hey, what do you think of that body lotion?'' and ''oh, do you listen to that band? it's sooo good!'' bla, bla, bla. It always have been same. When I started blogging I was one of these girls who haven't seen anything in life. I always tried to look cool. I always wanted to be the one who know everything. I loved to gossip with my friends. Oh, we're drinking vodka tonight? OK! Cigarettes? No.. OK, just one. Give me just one more. And then I started to buy them by myself. And when in backyard shop they started to sell them to me (even though it was illegally back then) I always bought some for my friends if they asked. It all was cool. It all was good. First kiss? Gosh, when all my friends had chance to enjoy it around age of 12, 13 I was the one who did it when I was 16 years old. Finally, with a man. It was like a game - you have to complete every level to get to the next. And if you did it - you made it, you're one of us. Of course, my friends did not say that, but I always felt like I have to be like them no matter what. Be bad, be stupid, be ridiculous. Be like people around you to fit it, but never yourself. And then there was revulsion. I had to sit at home every Friday night. As well as Saturday nights. If wanted to go out with friends - few hours. 

When I look back I see another person. Beautiful girl with healthy long hair, white teeth, skinny. But if I was happy? I will never know. I had everything and nothing at the same time. Today I feel, hmn, all these sleepless nights, panic attacks, tears and experiences = I'm another person today. There are plenty of things that I haven't experienced yet, also so many things I've done/seen. I know exactly what I want - it's freedom. Today I'm smart enough to know that someday I want to be free as a bird. I know that someday I will forgive my mom for all my tears, someday I will forget all those fights with friends who left me and maybe, just maybe I will talk to them normally again. If not I know that I will forgive them. I will forgive for words who made me feel worthless, unhappy & ugly. Someday I will find someone who will be next to me no matter what. Who will love me for who I am. Who will teach to forgive to those people who made me unhappy. Who will hold me close. And I will prove to that person - I would die for his warm heart. Someday. I want to be free like a bird. I want to travel all around the world and be happy. I want to be victim of happiness. And life have proven that love is the key of this happiness. Maybe, just maybe (because I know I'm right) I'm wrong.. But today I feel way more smarter than I was two years before. And I don't care if anyone thinks that I'm wrong. Because I'm the one who knows better. And all this is for someone who have felt like I did years ago - don't follow your friends, follow your dreams; don't listen to people who talk shit about you, because you know the best about yourself; believe in good and smile, also don't do drugs and never try cigarettes they're not just cool looking but also addictive. 

(via weheartit.com) 

This story is part of how this blog born. I was alone and had nobody to talk with. I was the one who had no personality, but here it started to grow. I re-read everything I posted and started to understand myself more and more. I started to realize that half of people I knew back then was just bloated bubble which exploded when I started to realize what is meaning of ''wannabe''. Society is fucked up, be yourself and if you need some backup help, here are so many posts about my experience in life. My spiritual experience!

***

For those who didn't read this post, don't worry - some ''photos via Instagram'' post are coming soon as well as other posts! 

''Take care of people who trust you because you've proved your friendship, take care of people who love & respect you. Don't think about people who are next to you today, without guarantee of shared future.'' - this quote have been in my phone for so long and whenever I feel down I read this again and again. I don't know why some things in my life is as complicated as they are. I don't know why do I keep losing my friends again & again. I don't know why my parents fight for so long. I don't know if I will graduate this year. I don't know why there is no love in my life. I don't know if I ever gonna be happy. But I know why do I keep smoking as much as I do. Stressed, tense, tired. That's how I feel after yesterdays anxiety which came so unexpectedly. I'm really tired and I feel down today. Also I feel like I'm going to be sick. Runny nose & headache as well. I'm drinking herbal tea & eating garlic to feel better because I've some plans for this week already. I hope I'll feel better soon, because mental health depends on physical health. I'm working with myself really hard last months! And I really don't want to stop right now, right here. I'm trying to say that- no matter how do I feel now I want to feel happy tomorrow. I want to feel pleased with my life and I don't feel ashamed if I feel bad today, because I'm gonna be happy someday, right? And also I'm not going to fake it, I'm true to myself and others, so I decided to share these emotions here today. :) #autumn_depression // And how are you feeling today? Tell me! I will be happy to talk with someone today. 

It's the best feeling when I wake up happy, but this morning.. I'm not in a bad mood but my head is full of worries. Last days have been.. Crazy. Long story short - I had a chance to go to Turkey but I've to study and go to school as it's just month left; Yesterday I with my friends went to sports stadium opening which was actually exciting & great measure; Also yesterday I with few people who attend drama class hosted the event at our school and it was something I did for the first time. After event I felt really bad and alone so I met with my friend Zane for some little talk and smoke. Oh whatsoever, seems that I will never get over this habbit and f#ck it. Sorry! And today is also big day for me, but I'm going to tell about it later, so yeah lately I've been really worried and tired as well. It feels like I'm sinking but from this moment I'm not showing these feelings to anyone. And I'm going to be fine! I'm having holidays right now so I will try to update blog if I will have some time! 

And how about you? Tell me how is it going?
Kisses!

''she was her own worst enemy''

Well, this was one of those days when I felt like I need pause. Pause from everything and everyone but still I didn't wanted to be alone. After school & cleaning up city park I went to my best friend's place, we made dinner for us, drank beer and sat on the balcony. We had some fun time together, it was so sunny and warm outside, but somehow our evening ended up in her bed, we had nap together haha, okay, we were just sitting and listening to The 1975. I had some things to do but time flew so fast, that right now I feel little bit guilty that I didn't attend event I had to, but somehow this week was too severe for me. So I decided to take some pause and just chilled with my friend doing nothing productive instead doing what I had to do. It's not the best attitude from me, I know, but as I said.. Time by time I need to be alone, sometimes I skip lessons at school to come home earlier and just do whatever I want to, but overall I always listen to my favourite music and think. I always think about life. Love. Happiness. Friends? Relationships with people around me. And I think about others, about success and loss. About my future. About this moment. About who I am & who I want to be. But sometimes I don't like to be alone, and this was one of these days when I spent time with my best. We had so fun time together, that I forgot about my anxiety this morning, which scared me a lot because I almost forgot how it is to suffer from that sh#t. Right now I feel good. Good physically. Mentally I feel bad and guilty. Right now all I want to is take my bicycle and drive away. I'm really tired mentally even though everything is OK. It is, right? 

Do you sometimes feel like I do right now? What do you do? Let me know, please? :(

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey...

Long time no see huh? I'm going to write down where I was and how it was! So this may be long story.. Since Monday I was in the capital city - Riga. Our student company ''Charger Pocket'' participated in International Student Company Festival 2014! There was so many young people from Sweden, Norway, Russia, Turkey, Lithuania, Estonia, Finland, Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark and another countries with their companies. When we first arrived we had to put our belongings in our shelter of the night - old music boarding school.. Lucky students who stayed in a hotel. Then we all went to university Turība where we had familiarization measure, which was fun. It was really interesting to get know people from another countries, and I've to say that I was just amazed, notably about Swedish, Norwegian & German students and their English skills, oh-my-good, it just sounded like English is their national language and that means that education there is really good! In the evening we had national dinner and then we went to our boarding school, which was just.. It was OK, but still, I think that all students no matter what should live together! It's obvious that young people will get to know each other when it will be unofficial atmosphere and I'm sure that people who lived at hotel (in which us, also known as Latvians didn't lived at) had some great time together while getting know each other. It was okay to chill with other Latvians and talk until 3 AM but as it was International Festival, so it would be obvious that we all should live together. (And we all shouldn't live in boarding school because it was no comfort there :| ) Yesterday we all with our companies were to Riga Plaza shopping center to sell our production, also jury evaluated us. This time we didn't had any nomination or prize, but we sure had some great time together with my colleagues. And I've to say that it was pleasure to be there, to be one of all those young, attractive and industrious young people. I loved last evening, when we had really good and little bit fancy dinner together on Awards Ceremony and then we had paaaarty!!! It was a blast! I loved it. I wanted to stay till the end, but f#ck no, we had to go home. ugh. Last night I didn't use alcohol at all and I really loved it, so no hangover for me today. Yay? Yaaaay! Overall, yes, there was some things about what I could talk all day and all night, but overall, I feel happy that we had this oppurtunity, I'm really thankful! 

And even though that yesterday I felt so amazing when I got home from this event, even though it was raining and when I got home my hair and clothes was wet I felt right, I felt happy. Not like today. Today I feel really tired physically and emotionally. But I hope you're having great week! Kisses! 

HELP! Need some healthy diet recommendation!!!

Here I am - sitting on the floor, while writing this and having huge abdominal pain. Feeling like I'm going to faint. And this is the second time today when my stomach is just killing me. The other one was in school, I tried to sit calmly and smile, while I thought that I'm going to faint. But I'm not complaining, I can only blame myself because all I'm eating is just junk food. OK, I don't eat chips & drink coke and all this kind of stuff, sweets - lately I don't eat them as much as in my past, but home made food (which no matter who have been made it) is just greasy and just not healthy! It's just my fault that I feel like I feel right now, 'cause I have to stop eating everything that much. Because I eat like pig. Not joking. I've to change it! I HAVE TO! I want to feel & look good.

Look at me! Happy, normal sized girl. Summer 2011, when I was 15 years old. Not sure. Haha!
(Not the best photo of me, but still, I was happy back then, so it's worth to post it!)

Lately I've been working out a little bit. Last month there was just 4 times when I didn't, because I wasn't at home. I will continure. Today I finally went to gym. I'm so proud of myself! So every monday from now I'm going to gym! But what I'm asking from you? Title of this post already says what I want from you all, my dear readers = friends. If you can recommend me some good healthy diet or just some healthy food recipes, smoothies, etc + the basics of eating & feeling good, please share with me! What do you do, how did you started, what's your ''must do'' to feel good?

I hope you all had good & peaceful Monday!
Kisses!

Weekend finally

Hello my dear readers. *Yawn* Sleepy mood somehow have been with me last hours. Today at school I had 7 lessons - test in history, test in bussiness studies and test in math, which took two learning lessons, then I had physics lesson which was just terribly boring and then laboratory work in chemistry, which also took two learning lessons, after school I went to friends place to correct the lesson we've to send to some company and then I went home and it's so cold outside! Yesterday it was -17 degrees by Celsium, today it's -10 degrees by Celsium but it's almost as cold as it was yesterday because of wind which is just incredibly powerful. At least it's Friday! So I've to get ready for my girls 18th birthday party. She was in Spain recently so I'm curious to know how it was there! Can't wait to see my girls!!! So shower, hair, manicure, make up --> then I'm meeting my friend --> then we're going to birthday girl place! I wish I won't going to die because it's really cold outside (at least I can't handle it anymore). I've to stay alive, haha, because I've so many things to do tomorrow. I hope you all will have wonderful weekend!!! Kisses. 

So.. Photo of me! Hoho. *Cyprus* I don't like this photo at all and I was too lazy to edit it, but yh, at least something to look at! Haha <3
Made by my sister.

Few things I just want to say out loud.

Hello lovelies! I hope your day was (and still is) good! Mine was.. Pretty good, but lately I'm feeling confused about things that is happening in my life and not only. I'm thinking about value of life, family and friends. Of course, it's obvious that life is life and we all have diffirent opinion about life and value of it, I can't change that and I can't change your point of view in any other values but lately I've been thinking about everything, I mean EVERYTHING and slowly but neatly summarize things & people who means something to me. I've been found out that the're some person which lately I don't like to see near to me, because you know? Everything that person do & say is just BIG bullshit. I just can't respect person who's personality is just sh#t. I'm sorry that I talk like this, but I've to say it loud! And I don't mention this to anyone personally, so why not? I found out that it feels so good to be with people who are real to me and I can have fun without all that personal shit I've with others, like: I think I've friendship with someone but is it real friendship if the person lie to me or give an promise which again is just bullshit, etc? No, it's not real friendship. Also the important thing is that I can have healthy relationship and/or friendship only if both of us are happy. I'm not happy with my friendship anymore. Like for years. I feel like shit, worthless. And guilty because I'm sure that I'm the only one who's seeing the problem. I think it's the right time when isolate myself from feelings and the person, because all I want (right now) in my life is true friendship! And I'm so thankful that God gave me one wonderful person who means a world to me..

I (or should I say we) have this tattoo for 7 months and 7 days, can you believe it? It's a little heart on my left shoulder and my friend have same heart on her left shoulder too. It may sound banal, unnecessarily and overall stupid to some of you, but for me this tattoo means true friendship. I've seen my girl crying and she have seen me crying, we've been beside to each other when our first boyfriends came and broke our hearts (or should I say, that we broke their hearts..) and other beautiful things, memories & dreams to mention. I'm just trying to say, that I hope you all have friend like I have! And if you don't - don't be sad! Someday soon..

However, I may have one true friend and other good friends as well, but if there will be the same unhappy friendship near to me I will never be happy. Because if I would like, then right now I would not talk to that person and I will always feel guilty, 'cause I'm the one who doesn't feel happy with friendship I have and at the same time I'm the one who keep her mouth shut. I can say one thing (about relationship) that I clearly know - I will never marry someone who I don't love, no matter how much I like that person, no matter how much that person means to me, because my happiness is the only thing I should care about. Then why right now I don't do anything about my friendship? I don't know. No matter how much hate I have in me, the're love in my heart too. 

Right now I would be so happy to go away for some weeks to some sunny & warm place and have great time with family or some great friend of mine... I just need rest from routine in my life. I need strenght to keep going because I've big plans for future and the're no reason to stop right now!!!

Have you ever had situation like this? Tell me, I'm curious to know!

HAPPY

Hello everyone! Song of today - Pharrell Williams - Happy. Why? I will tell you. Yesterday after school my best friend Zane was at my place, I made dinner for her - delicious pizza and then we ate cake I got for my 18th birthday day before. Later we had chilly evening with my sister, we listened to some good music and smoked hookah. When she went home I went to sleep. I was so sleepy when I woke up about 6 PM but mom called my sister and said that we should start getting ready because we'll go to the cafe. Parents & us. I thought: ''OK. Mom isn't that spontaneous. What the hell? But hey, mom would never do something as spontaneous as making suprise party, right?'' I did quick make up and then mom arrived. We went to cafe. Waitress said that they have private party, so we can go to guest house and she will serve us there and then she waited for our answer. Mom asked to me:''Are we staying?'' I was like ''Umm, yes.'' We're going to guest house and I was puzzled and asked to mom:''How they will serve us food if it's rainy outside? What the hell?'' We went into guest house and BOOOOOM! MY CLOSEST RELATIVES AND FRIENDS WERE THERE AND SANG TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ELIZABETE! I was shaking. I was looking at everyone. I almost cried. I think I've never felt so happy before in my whole life. We sat down and it was cozy & nice evening with my loved ones. When my adults went home, few other friends joined us. Good music, friends around, we danced and laughed. I will not mention some drama which happened at the end of evening, but overall everything was just amazing! I just wanted to say how happy and pleased I am. I just can't believe that my mom & dad did this all to me. I just can't believe that I've so amazing family and friends. I can't believe that life is so good to me. And I wish that everyone have felt or will feel this amazing feeling someday. I'm so, so thankful!!! Below few photos of yesterday:

With my dad's brother's family.


My lovely girls! In front of right side Agate, Sintija & Zane, behind me, Lāsma & Arlita.
Love you babes! <3

Flowers from my loved ones!

One of the gifts. Thomas Sabo bracelet. Love it!!!

So tell me have you ever been in suprise party as guest/the one for who suprise party is made for? How did you felt? Let me know!

Kisses. 

BIRTHDAY GIRL! #18

Hello dear readers! Today is a good day! I just really can't stop smiling because it's my birthday!!! I'm so happy because finally I'm 18 years old and even thought I don't feel like an andult but I'm an adult! Right from now criminal liability is on my shoulders.. I'm saying this just because you can never know what will happen with you. Don't get me too serious, as you see I have just perefect mood & I'm full of energy! I've done so many things today like: tidied up my room & home, washed my clothes, made dinner, etc. And of course I answered to almost everyone who congratulated me virtually. So many old & good friends, friends which live far from me like Sintija who live in Great Britain & Katrīna from Sweden, etc., and of course all my friends I met today - thank you all! You all are amazing! And not just my friends, but family too! I think you all understand how excited I am today, haha? I just wanted to say that I haven't been so happy (like whole day, haha) for so long time. I wish that you had wonderful day too! Tell me what how is it going?

Now I can drink alcohol & smoke with no hiding in the bushes, feel me? I'm joking. But maybe it's the right time to get my driver licence? Ohhh...

Kisses

This day have been really productive! I woke up around 11 AM, then I with my sister went to see doctor. Then I had meeting with my best friend about 12 AM, we went to city center to buy everything for tonight - we're going to celebrate her 18th birthday! Then we had some time for us, we went to park and talked a bit, drank yogurt & smoked a bit. (How I hate this habbit of mine, start of 2014 was the right time to stop doing it) Now I'm home but I have to get ready to meet my bestie, but I have been just lacquered  my nails, I don't know how to do anything in time, because we have to meet about 7 PM and then we still have few things to do. But I'm really happy, because I can help her. Finally I can do something good for her and I've to do my best, so she will never forget this night! Overall I just wanted to say, that I'm really busy right now, 'cause I have to do so many things, then I'm leaving my house and tomorrow I've to attend my aunt name day party. I really want to make some fashionable posts to share with you guys, but lately I really have no time, so I wish it will change soon. :)

(photo from summer 2012 (?!).. Anyway, when we was young, wild & stupid!)

Tell me, how will you spend this friday night?
Kisses!

Second introducing.

Lately I've found out that it's really hard for me to deal with my emotions, family, friends, life.. Everything. I can't act like everything is OK, because nothing really is. Sometimes I feel that my whole life is just one big nightmare and lately I really can't help myself. I'm not really sensitive person, I'm trying to be strong and I'm trying to think like adult. Even though I'm turning 18 next month, I'm still just a kid. And it's really hard. I've really bad grades at school. I tried when I was a little child, but from young age there has been no support from parents. So I stoped. Why should I've to study if I personally didn't care about my grades and there was no support? Here I am. 17 years old. I'm degraded. I'm stupid. I'm bad. Fighting with suicidal thoughts. And wondering - how does it feels, to be a great child: beautiful, smart, loved. How does it feels when you have no worries about school? And how does it feels when your parents love you no matter what? No matter how smart, beautiful, successful you are?

It is really hard to talk about this. Because none of my friends truly know how does it feels. I've some friends which don't have one our both of their parents and I estimate that I've my parents. That I've home, I've my own bed, wardrobe, money. I have everything I need. But some of kids don't. And I estimate everything I have. But it really hurts when you feel bad about yourself all the time. All the fucking time. Already 5 years, as long as I remember myself I feel like shit. Total shit. Worthless. I hate winter time, I really do. And I don't like Christmas and New Years Eve too. As kid I remember these celebrations as beautiful, happy days, but now I don't even wait for Christmas because I know that my mom will yell at me. And we will fight. And it all will end up with tears. My tears. Time goes by so fast but nothing change. And nothing ever will change until I will leave this house. I'm 17 years old. How can I let others do this to myself? Miserably.

I'm not going everywhere. I will be here. I will fight with my mom. I love her, but I love myself too. I'm not going to hurt myself ever again. I will fight with myself, I'm going to prove myself (and to my loved ones too: grandmother, dad & aunt) that I'm going to become successful person.

Why did I wrote all this? If you read this and you ever feel bad about yourself - stop it. And if you're a parent and you don't spend enough time with your children, if you don't underestimate how successful your children are - stop it. Think about how much every kid on the whole world want to be loved no matter what. Think about that. I can't do anything to change my past, but I can change my future and you can change your future, also your child future.

I'm going to introduce you all with myself second time - this is real me.  

Happiness. Victim. Why?

Have I ever introduce you with my blog name? Happiness Victim? If you're interested there are two meanings: 1. Victim of happiness in a good way - it's like you have been captive by wizard and he can make come true all your dreams. So you're happy. All the time. And why not if you have a chance to be happy all the time? 2. Victim in a negative way. Someone is happy, because of you, but still you're not happy. *it's harder to explaid this version, haha* Example: You introduced your best friend to person which you like and then boom! They like each other, then they're together as a couple and you're all alone. So you had to be a victim, to make someone else happy. Actually, there is so many versions and I can say just one: I don't know why I decided to call my blog 'Happiness Victim', because I'm not happy, but I'm not a victim either. Have about you? Which variant are you?

Long time no see huh? I just wanted to update my blog quick! And I'm sorry, because I don't remember the last time when I was such a lazy blogger - about 5 days without blogging anything serious, same numeral if we talk about checking out blogs I follow on blogger & bloglovin'! I'm sorry. I will try to do my best, but school (I'm sorry, that I'm talking about school again as I promised to stop doing this often) is driving my crazy. I have so bad school grades. Next week I'm going to start study more often, so I will be able to enjoy the last school week before Christmas as good as I can! :)

Today I'm sharing with few pictures from summer. Oh, how I miss all these beautiful, sunny days. I've to say that Latvia has really beautiful summer time. Everyone is happy when summer starts here. It's amazing feeling! Last two photos are made by my sister, but edit is mine. Enjoy!

Hair care

Let's talk about hair care today! When I was a little girl I had short hair, something like carre cut and my hair was almost like platinum blonde (they were naturally like that). And I would love to have hair like that again, I know how nice hairstyle like that would suit me. Platinum blonde + carre cut = <3 But when I think about that I will have to say goodbye to my long hair.. I don't want it to happen, because I love long hair! I have always been that girl, with that hair for so long (read: people always said that I have so long & beautiful  hair and they just love that I'm naturally blonde).

My friends and relatives *It was 2 or maybe 3 years ago* always said - you have so good looking, undamaged hair. How do you take care of them? I always said - nothing! And they didn't understand. But it was true - I just washed them with shampoo and conditioner and let them naturally dry, that's it! I didn't use oils, masks, hairdryer or straightener, because I didn't know why the hell I should need them. I didn't know NOTHING about beauty world and hair care either. I didn't know why I should try oils or masks; I didn't have straightener and hairdryer I just didn't used because I was to lazy to stand next to mirror and dry my hair - my hair was so thick, that I had to dry my hair about 20 minutes as well.

So, I was just a little girl, who didn't care about her hair and when I look back - it worked! But years went so fast, I started to grow up and I started to wonder about beauty products - masks in hair roots, oils in hair ends, then again but another combo; I started to use hairdryer because and I started to use hair straightener, because I wanted my hair long and straight from roots too ends. I started to worry about my hair a little bit more that I did before. And now my hair is damaged as hell. They're so thin, sooo thin. And my roots are so damaged.. They have never been as ugly as they are now.

Why I decided to talk about my hair today? Because I wanted to intruduce you all with my situation and ask to you all: What to do with my hair? I want them thick and healthy. So what do you recommend? Which products and why? What should I stop to do with my hair? What kind of natural masks you can recommend? Let me know!

My hair about 2 years ago. (I think that I have never before had so long hair, back then they were just OK, but you can see that hairs ends was damaged)

~ 1 year ago. Few days after hairdresser visit. 

This summer. As you can see, ends are totally damaged.

HELP ME! 

Goodmorning folks! What can be better than having breakfast in bed? :) Yesterday I finally met my home-girl, we chilled for a while together with some beers. I went home about 10 pm and received call from unseen friends which lives near to my town, but they visit us rarely, so we (I & my sis) decided to meet them and party a bit! We went to some bars and it's obvious that we had a blast. Great night! *Haha, and no hangover to me today, incredible!!!* So yh, right now I'm having some healthy breakfast in bed - green tea, oatmeal with blueberries, banana and some sweet snack. And here is a picture with my lovely kitten Keita!

Keep smiling!
x

Can't wait

Hey! I haven't post anything here for a while. School has started and I really don't have time for blogging, even thought that I would love to update my blog every single day! I have big planner and finally I'm inspired enough to write in it - I note on some daily chores, homework for school, everything I have to do! It's really good reminder if I forgot about some homework, etc. Anyway, it's already 11th September. *Actually, this is date that no one never forget. I think you all understand about what I'm talking about. rip.* Don't get me wrong but today I was so happy! Something big (or maybe not that big from your view) is coming up and I can't wait that moment when I will have a chance to share with you guys! OH MY GOD, I'm so excited that I'm frightened that when that moment comes I will be dissapointed, because I'm just that kind of person. Anyway fringers crossed - just month has left!

Photo taken by my sister, my edit!
P.S. I posted this picture not because of tragedy which happened in the 11th September, I posted it because this picture tells about that BIG thing, hehe! 

x

sadness

Today I'm feeling soooooo depressed. School makes me feel depressed! In almost every lesson in which I would love to have some help from my best friend I sit alone. And I really feel alone. So I just keep smiling and acting like everything is OK, but inside I'm just dying. But I'm a strong person! I'm not the same person which I was month or year ago and I'm not playing games anymore. I really miss my girl Lāsma, who's not in city right now, she is a person about who I care the most and she does the same about me. It's really sad that in my life friends like this is rarity. But I appreciate everything I have in my life, I'm not mad at anyone and if I'm feeling bad I'm keep fighting with myself. You will never know what will happen to you tomorrow - maybe you will lost somebody, maybe you will lost yourself, maybe you will fall ill and never recover, maybe there is no tomorrow for you.. Do you get me? You have to fight with your negative emotions, you have to smile! My day was just horrible, but I'm fine. And I hope that your day was good! Keep smiling everyone!!!

oh hi there

I still can't believe that september is here, I just feel it! This was my first school day and weather outside was just horrible - it's raining all the time. Make me feel so sad when I realize that fall is just here, it has started and weather will become even worse and worse, and worse. I look outside of my window and it's raining, it's windy and the plum tree leaves turn yellow. But you know, I can't change it. It is really amazing how years pases, a bit scary too. I'm young, but already afraid of wrinkles and adult problems, about being adult! After few months I will turn 18. And every month that pases away just make me feel sad, because I'm so close to my 18th birthday, so close. This is my penultimate year in school, so I've to start studying.

I think too much, right now. I just wanted to wish you all beautiful fall season! Enjoy, every moment that autumn give to you - colorful leaves on the trees, relaxing while watching how it rains outside & everything that autumn gives you!

(source:weheartit) 

hey. I'm still feeling a little bit weird because of my head which still hurts. I can't eat as much as I did today, (Today I went to celebrate my little cousins fourth birthday! He is so cute, oh my! When I with my family walked into his house, he was screaming ''Elizabete arrived yeeee'' or something like that and ran up to me, to hug me. Love him so much!) and from today I have to eat only healthy. I already have lose some weight, but today I took pause and ate everything I wanted to. From tomorrow I will have no option- eat healthy or not, there will but just one thing- to live my life quality. I know that this will be hard so wish me luck guys! :)

I know that you're pretty bored with photos I post, but I promise that soon you will se more fashionable posts. Kisses