Forever on the streets of gold

Last 4-6 months have been truly amazing and rough. Plenty of promises, plans, targets. Disappointments. And then promises, plans and targets which came true and better than imagined. Then friends. Losing some of them, leaving some of them, now - missing some of them. But even if you cry on your closest shoulder and creak how much you miss somebody answer is always one - let go. Past is past, future is future. And if somebody have decided to leave me, it's for the better -- for both of us. And then friends who came to visit. And friends who stayed. And friends who are still here. Friends who feels more than friends, but family & soulmates in one. Friends who made this summer one of the best summers ever. Memories - graduating school, festival(s), night trips, home parties, clubbing in capital city, cosy dining together, outdoor concerts, home town parties, time spent with family, plenty parties with family, going to the sea, celebrating birthdays and name days, doing whatever you want to! This summer have been bright! 

But there is no good things without bad things in life, right? At least that is what I'm saying to myself all the time. There is somebody behind me, somebody who's so fragile and scared of real life which is coming. There is somebody who is scared of losing friends, family and good emotions. That person behind me is miserable. This person is always tired, irritable, lost in another world. There is person who have addiction which is killing her for years but she can't fight it. There's might me eating disorder which can't be controlled. There is maniacal depression. There is days when she's happy, and there is days when the only thing you think about is 'what if I wasn't here?' And I always say to that person 'shut up! It's going to be fine'. I'm so tired of feeling tired all the time, I'm so bored of living this life and always hide what I really am. I don't get it, why others be happy and why it's so hard for me? And I still don't get it, if it's really possible - two minds in one body? It's time to change. 

Probably, no one will ever read this post, because we all are egoistic young people here. Probably I will never get better and I will keep hiding this part of myself. Maybe nobody ever will understand me. And that's something what scares me the most. So I'm still thinking that blog is going to be empty for some time until I get better in my head, because if you read my last post and as you see now, I still haven't decided what's going on with my life. But I promise that I'm coming back with new design and content as well. I miss blogging and all of you guys.